Hi, my name is Brandon, and I don’t like pets in my house. I know that you already think I have issues because of that last sentence, and maybe I do, but hang with me here. They say that the first step to healing is admitting it, so here I am.
I am a firm believer in the fact that sometimes, motivation and feelings follow action. I preach this about following Jesus, and I preach it to people regarding their fitness. So, after desperate attempts at quick-fixes and learning trade secrets from family and friends who DO like animals to no avail, I’ve decided to just jump in and do things that animal lovers do in an effort to find out if I, too, can begin to love them.
You may ask why a guy who doesn’t like pets wants to like them. Well, I have an amazing wife and daughter who absolutely adore them. For years of our marriage, despite wanting to give everything I could for my wife, I just couldn’t bring myself to get a pet. Then, after about 6 years, I finally decided to get a dog. Her name was Monty, and Monty was a mistake. She was cool I guess as far as dogs go, but she was large for our apartment, chewed up the table, and growled at Maura (my daughter) over a piece of rawhide. Monty found a good home with plenty of land.
After about another year, I got a cat. I planned this out. It was my wife’s idea to do it this way, but it took me quite a while to put it into action. One weekend, when my wife and daughter were out of town visiting family, I did the research, I found a cat through a local foster program, spoke with the foster “parent,” and got him. His name is Stu, and I guess he is a pretty cool cat. My wife and daughter were of course surprised and excited.
Stu has lived with us for about a year now, and despite my best efforts, I cannot honestly say I like having him there. This distaste for indoor pets is deep-seated for some reason. When I say I don’t like animals, let me confess what I mean and do further damage to your opinion of me:
Where they see him lying in “cute” ways, I see cat hair getting EVERYWHERE. Like, I SEE it.
Where they see “funny,” I see “annoying.”
Where they see “kisses,” I see butthole germs
getting on people.
Where they see cuddles, I see invasion of space.
Where they find joy, I find forced tolerance.
Where they see hilarious animal videos, I feel numbness and apathy.
I wash my hands every time we touch. I’ve seen what he does.
So, like I said, I want my attitude to change, and the only thing that I can think of to try at this point is to just do the things that animal lovers do and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get it.
Step 1: Brush Stu’s fur every day.
Updates to come.